Rainbows and Black Unicorns

Tag: cancer

  • planning for the inevItable.

    I’m getting so much better with puppy loss. I imagine her surrounded by love and happiness and that helps me to move on. Friday is loopogram day. Hopefully, this CT will help pinpoint where leaks are and they can decide if there is any chance they can be repaired. Enterococcus is still present and really…

  • Vacay

    I’m away. Away from the house. Away from monitoring Amy’s pallor. Away from food prep, cleaning, feeding the cat, yard work. Instead, I’m in a fantastic hotel room with a pub downstairs. Today, I plan to sit by the lake and process all that’s happened in the past few months. Im sitting at my hotel…

  • N 1 patIents

    today was the first time I ever heard that reference to a cancer victim. Amy was told that’s what she is considered. It means that there isn’t enough research done on what is happening with her for them to have any protocols for treatment. Docs are shooting in the dark. They admit they don’t know…

  • too angry to type

    we all know the medical system is broken but I still had faith that the people were good. Today I am doubting the people. so much has happened in the last few weeks. Another infection led to surgery to replace the ureter stent with a bigger one. Constant pain for the past 2 weeks. Signs…

  • break time

    I’ve taken a wee bit of a break because it/I was too negative and had nothing to be positive about. Here’s a bit of positivity…Amy’s cancer didn’t show any sign of recurring. Yay! However, her kidney was full of fluid so one week ago she had surgery and is still dealing with discomfort. During my…

  • grief

    grief begins at diagnosis. When does it end? Perhaps never.

  • caring

    SELF-CARE FOR CARERS  ‘While caring for a partner can be very rewarding, it can also place a strain on relationships,’ says Carers UK’s Emily Holzhausen. More than 75% of carers responding to the charity’s State of Caring survey said they felt stressed and anxious; 69% found it difficult to get a good night’s sleep and…

  • have the wheels come off again?

    I don’t know how she copes. I don’t know how she keeps going. Wednesday she had surgery to replace her ureter stent with a bigger one. Surgeon said he lasered something but he lost me. 48 hrs later she’s showing all the signs of infection except she’s on antibiotics now. She’s cold and shivery, her…

  • another PRE-SURGERY day

    And the anxiety is off the charts. I got some post op stuff organized like food and made sure things are charged. We had an updated convo regarding death, money and wishes and hopes for after recovery looking towards summer. It’s always so hard. I’m not driving her tomorrow and don’t know how I would…

  • and again???

    My prediction that the infection would go away but return in 2 days was accurate. Two days after antibiotics stopped Amy was hit with pain and a smell that is truly indescribable. The infection had returned but this time it was a new one and a bad one. Something to do with a pneumonia type…