too angry to type

we all know the medical system is broken but I still had faith that the people were good. Today I am doubting the people.

so much has happened in the last few weeks. Another infection led to surgery to replace the ureter stent with a bigger one. Constant pain for the past 2 weeks. Signs of another infection but this one is a biggie. Enterococcus. Has to be treated with super antibiotic but surgeon in his infinite wisdom has decided not to treat Amy unless her temperature gets 38.5. She is dizzy, pain in back, pain in lower abdomen, lethargic, feels rotten, temp is up and down but no higher than 37.6. All she can do is lay on the couch. She has no energy for anything else.

The rational for not treating her is they are afraid she will become resistant to super drug and it won’t be effective when she really needs it.
so, I guess we wait until her body breaks down enough to get a major temperature increase? Seems counterintuitive to me but I get it…kinda. Let’s save the drugs until she’s extremely sick and possibly septic. I don’t want her to get to that point.
the next step is kidney removal which is a big surgery that would be very complicated on Amy so another option is to tie off kidney and let it slowly die.

it’s so hard watching her suffer. The depression over her life moving away without her. Not being able to plan coffee with a friend, not being able to go to west coast to kayak, and not being able to plan summer activities are causing us so much grief.

today we talked about giving our puppy away. We dont know how to cope with everything we have to do and throwing a 4 month old puppy in the mix is overwhelming us. My heart will break. I love her so much and my plan was to have a companion in case Amy dies.

this is a mess but I’m a mess. Sorry I never have positive happy news. I hope who ever reads this has less stress and more happiness.