Rainbows and Black Unicorns

Tag: cancer caregivers

  • planning for the inevItable.

    I’m getting so much better with puppy loss. I imagine her surrounded by love and happiness and that helps me to move on. Friday is loopogram day. Hopefully, this CT will help pinpoint where leaks are and they can decide if there is any chance they can be repaired. Enterococcus is still present and really…

  • Vacay

    I’m away. Away from the house. Away from monitoring Amy’s pallor. Away from food prep, cleaning, feeding the cat, yard work. Instead, I’m in a fantastic hotel room with a pub downstairs. Today, I plan to sit by the lake and process all that’s happened in the past few months. Im sitting at my hotel…

  • N 1 patIents

    today was the first time I ever heard that reference to a cancer victim. Amy was told that’s what she is considered. It means that there isn’t enough research done on what is happening with her for them to have any protocols for treatment. Docs are shooting in the dark. They admit they don’t know…

  • too angry to type

    we all know the medical system is broken but I still had faith that the people were good. Today I am doubting the people. so much has happened in the last few weeks. Another infection led to surgery to replace the ureter stent with a bigger one. Constant pain for the past 2 weeks. Signs…

  • break time

    I’ve taken a wee bit of a break because it/I was too negative and had nothing to be positive about. Here’s a bit of positivity…Amy’s cancer didn’t show any sign of recurring. Yay! However, her kidney was full of fluid so one week ago she had surgery and is still dealing with discomfort. During my…

  • caring

    SELF-CARE FOR CARERS  ‘While caring for a partner can be very rewarding, it can also place a strain on relationships,’ says Carers UK’s Emily Holzhausen. More than 75% of carers responding to the charity’s State of Caring survey said they felt stressed and anxious; 69% found it difficult to get a good night’s sleep and…

  • sad…

    some days it all catches up with me and I get sad. today I’m sad and mad about the times people have crushed my spirit by being critical or judgemental of me. By the lack of respecting my boundaries. By the losses. Like the time I asked if I could crash at someone’s house then…

  • what can i say?

    Amy has yet again another infection. Surgeon returned her call at 830pm. Ordered more drugs and admitted the surgery from last week won’t solve the infection issue. It’s outta his wheelhouse to fix it. sigh…big sigh… Monday we meet with oncology surgeons to discuss options. They will likely need to take healthy tissue from her…

  • This is who we are

    Carers are not hero’s. We don’t have magical powers. We don’t have a wand but we wish we did.We cry. We shake. We get overwhelmed. We worry…oh so much. We have feelings that get hurt. We get abandoned by people who think we should act differently. We are afraid. We are lonely. We are stunned…

  • im sorry

    im sorry I can’t be more positive. im sorry I can’t be more resilient. im sorry I’m so scared of the future. im sorry I set boundaries that you find hard to respect. im sorry I’m a challenge for you to understand. im sorry my life has had such a terrible impact on your life.…