Rainbows and Black Unicorns

Tag: cancer caregivers

  • angry?

    Is it wrong to be angry with your partner that you’re caregiving for? I’ve been angry all day since Amy announced she had a sore lower back which means she has another infection. Nurse came to collect urine and test it but we both know it’s an infection. Hospital called to book another ctscan, nephrostomy…

  • fed up!

    I wasn’t having the greatest day then it got worse! How does that happen? Amy has a sore lower back. Sure sign of yet another bloody infection. She’s down and frustrated. She shopping on line. I’m huffing and puffing and clenching my jaw. Latest round of antibiotics ended just 2 days ago. Here we go…

  • more surgery

    Met with new surgeon today. He will attempt to insert a large stent into her ureter to see if that will help it stay open thereby eliminating the need for nephrostomy tube and urine bag she wears around her ankle. That’s the goal. No more tubes coming out of her back. It’s general anesthetic but…

  • the same

    Life is still the same. Amy’s still fighting infections and my anxiety is controlling my life. Amy looks green, her urostomy bag is noisy sounding like a waterfall at times and it smells. Antibiotics? Probably the cause.Me…I hear all the noises and worry that this isn’t normal or healthy. She refuses to ask anyone about…

  • scan Day

    Here are we again. Time for another scan. It’s always unsettling waiting for results and…Amy has another infection. She called the urologist and he won’t prescribe anything until nurse takes a sample on Wednesday. But when her urine smells like ammonia she knows it’s that awful bacterial infection she had last week. Sigh… On a…

  • Low

    I’ve watched 2 YouTubers that do caregiving for cancer spouses. I’ve noticed they never talk about anger, frustration or irritability. They might talk about fear but not the debilitating fear that comes from waiting for the next phone call, next scan, next symptom. They might mention sadness but not the overwhelming grief that comes from…

  • infection

    Another one! Bacterial. It’s a bad one.When the results came in I started to shake. PTSD much? Amy looked pale yesterday and her urine smelled like ammonia so, I’m not surprised. A bit of a panic trying to find someone to give her a prescription because the urologist doesn’t work Friday so she went directly…

  • not coping

    The grief is palatable. Email from urologist said he wanted to wait and possibly never do surgery. He would try removing nephrostomy tube and doing a different procedure but even that sounds questionable. It’s one thing to wait for something that would hopefully make life easier but now it feels like this is as good…

  • the wheels have come off

    Three surgeons agreed surgery is very risky. Oncologist, urologist and plastic surgeon all agreed she needs surgery but is it too risky? Right now Amy has a ostomy bag for urine and one for poop. She also has a tube coming out of her back to drain urine into a bag worn around her ankle.…

  • again

    Soooo…waiting again. We’re waiting for appt with two surgeons. That will happen in 2 days and the anxiety has exploded. This time we will discuss how to close the fistula. It sounds like it should be a quick and easy surgery but I’m guessing it’ll be slightly more complicated. Because we don’t know what to…