A Space for Mucosal Melanoma Caregivers
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Wow
Got back from the mountains exhausted. The cat howled all night keeping us awake. Her blood work was good but she has arthritis and is now on pain meds. Trying to collect a urine sample but that’s hard to do with a cat! Amy has gone away to visit a friend. I am struggling with
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Not everyday is good
My oh my, what an unbelievable day! The weather was awesome and some “things”got done around the house. That always feels good. The flip side wasn’t so good. The vet didn’t call with blood results. Hopefully, tomorrow. We did get a call from someone who was in distress. I won’t go into details but it
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Sadness
I wish I could record videos. Lack of ability and hating the way I look on camera prevent me from trying. Amy’s sad today because she’s still so weak from sepsis. The drugs might be zapping her strength or the residual damage from sepsis might be the cause. She’s sad that she can’t do the
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I was wrong
What was I thinking when I said I didn’t care if the cyber community read what I wrote? Today, I care because it’s a hard day. Amy is pale and fatigued. I’m anxious and feel like the next shoe is about to drop. I don’t know where that is coming from. It feels awful. I
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Gifts
Can I make a few suggestions around gifts for the patient or caregiver? I am so grateful for everything people have done for us and I know it’s with the best intentions. But sometimes traditional gifts are not the most appropriate such as flowers or plants. As a caregiver the burden falls on me to
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Amy’s Mucosal melanoma
Melanoma entered our life in a rare and unusual way. Amy had gone for a routine Pap smear. The doctor told her she had a few freckles down there. Amy has red hair, green eyes and freckles so it wasn’t a big deal. She was referred to a gynaecologist who did some biopsies. 11 biopsies
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I feel stronger
Since I decided that no one gets to tell me how I should feel I feel much better! Having decided it’s better to be alone than pretend every single thing is rosy and live with that knot in my stomach I feel more free. And who knows maybe since that last door has closed another
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Yup, i’m a mess
Yesterday was hard. It takes a toll when you start to believe you must have done something wrong because nobody knows how broken you are. There’s so much guilt and anger at yourself knowing you can’t fix it and still be true to yourself. I guess I’d rather be alone than have to pretend I
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Let’s talk about ABANDONMENT
So…if your life is moving along and you’re doing all the “right” things and you’re happy with everything and then you get slammed with a cancer diagnosis what happens next? What happens to relationships, friendships and who supports you? My experience has been mystifying. Some people in the beginning were absolutely dismissive. “It’s just skin
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Jealousy
How did it happen that I’ve become jealous of those that are able to travel, go to the beach or walk in the mountains? I always loved hearing people’s travel stories but in the last few months I get bitter when I hear someone is having fun or even planning to have fun. We are
Rainbows and Black Unicorns 