anger…again

I so wish the anger would evaporate. Poof blow it away to that place where only sunshine and sparkling stars exist.
Not reality, is it?
Today my anger temperature is ignited and I don’t know why. Ok, I do. Blood dripping into Amy’s urostomy, I smell infection ( she thinks I’m saying her bag stinks but I think it’s coming out her pores) and stent change on Monday which triggers my PTSD. Not a big deal but it’s a hospital procedure and she has to be driven so I’ll wait in the cafeteria which triggers anxiety. So yup my anger is full blown.
Angry at her family who just don’t get it. Anger at my family who have abandoned me. Anger at cancer just because it’s a safe target. Anger at having no friends. Anger at the way our life has gone. Anger at having lost myself to anticipatory grief ie never knowing which infection will take her out…and it’s guaranteed she will get an infection next week after stent change.
How does one live with all that sorrow? All that fear? I have no answers only questions.