stepping away

It’s hard to be a caregiver. In the past few months it’s gotten harder. Not that Amy has gotten sicker but I have been more depressed.
Multiple doctor appointments, trips to ER and the infections just keep on brewing.
After the last 9 hr wait in emerg I had a breakdown. I wasn’t safe to drive home and I told Amy’s family they would have to start helping cuz I just can’t do it all.
That will be the final time I wait at the hospital. If she’s really sick I will drop her off and one of her family can pick her up. I’m not going to appts unless I absolutely have to. I don’t want to hear about her condition unless it’s a major change.
Our entire life centres around her needs such as ordering an electric wheelchair. She did the research and we looked at them twice. I’m done. While I agree that it will improve her life, I’m struggling with the loss. I want her to be able to go to the mall or the zoo but I have to help get it in the car. Then we can’t talk while she drives it. I know I sound like a selfish bitch. I’m not and that’s what has caused me to be so broken. I’ve given too much away, worried too much, tried to intervene and then Amy lies to her family about how she’s doing, I think it makes me look like I’m overreacting. I’m not overreacting I’m burnt out. Brain fog for caregivers is real. No one gets that. No one cares about me and my needs.
My mother said Amy should kill herself. Being as burnt out as I am, I ignored it. There is no energy to fight anymore. So I’m stepping away from my family that are poisonous, her family that are clueless and Amy letting her do what she needs to do. I’ll still attempt to cook and pitch in when called on but moving forward I will step away from active caregiving because I’m starting to resent her.
It’s very sad to admit that.