another PRE-SURGERY day

And the anxiety is off the charts.

I got some post op stuff organized like food and made sure things are charged.

We had an updated convo regarding death, money and wishes and hopes for after recovery looking towards summer. It’s always so hard.

I’m not driving her tomorrow and don’t know how I would handle it if I had to. I’ve done dozens of trips to the hospital and it triggers me. The waiting, the worrying, the anger and the fear. Someone else will drop her off at 9:45 and if they don’t keep her pick up will be 5pm.

surgeon told her to prepare to spend the night.

If this surgery doesn’t fix the infection problem then she’s looking at major surgery…again. Appt with oncologists is in 2 weeks to decide how to proceed.

Some people say we choose what kind of life we want. Really? Can I get do over and can I bargain for Amy too? It’s hard to believe anyone would choose this existence. There are good things but the intensity of the past few years blurs out the good.