Scanxiety is real

If you’re a cancer patient, survivor or caregiver you’ll be very aware of scanxiety. Every new procedure, scan or doctor visit can bring it on.

It’s the unknown that rocks us off our tenuous balance beam. What will they say? What happens next? How will we cope?

Scanxiety is so strong today. Surgery is tomorrow morning and while I’m not worried about the surgery I am worried about infections afterward. It just seems like events can’t be planned or futures hoped for until we get some recurring issues resolved.
Amy has had 30 infections in the past 18 months. I cannot fathom the effect that is taking on her body.

If that was the only thing I was dealing with I might be stronger but I’m still waiting for urine results on our cat and my parents move into assisted living sept 1 and there’s another issue that we’re dealing with as a family that is causing severe anxiety.

I need a break! It’s gotten to the point where I can’t watch TV if there is anything remotely stress causing. I feel like such a wimp. I feel like I should be doing better, be stronger and more competent. It crushes me that I’m so alone in this phase of my life. I don’t dare to tell anyone for fear of being criticized or abandoned yet again.

Our anniversary is in September and I refuse to book anything for fear of having to cancel. Our tentative plan is to go to a play and out for dinner. Not a big deal, right? It is a big deal when you’ve had to cancel major holidays, events and miss out on activities due to cancer. I refuse to flush anymore money down the drain.

yup, I’m feeling sorry for myself today. I’m overwhelmed with things happening to us and around us.