I was wrong

What was I thinking when I said I didn’t care if the cyber community read what I wrote?

Today, I care because it’s a hard day. Amy is pale and fatigued. I’m anxious and feel like the next shoe is about to drop. I don’t know where that is coming from. It feels awful.

I do care. A lot. I’ll admit this blog is a foreign concept to me and I’ve probably made a hundred mistakes but I’m trying and I’m learning as I go. I want to hear from other caregivers.

Here’s a question to you caregivers. Are you a victim? Like a crime victim did you ask for this role, have you had your life stolen, are you at a loss to fix it? I want to know how you feel.

My ex friend suggested I was playing the victim or a martyr because I was sad I had to cancel a much needed vacation when Amy was hospitalized with sepsis. Her attitude was that it was my choice to cancel.
ummm…really? If your partner was hospitalized with a potentially deadly infection would you still go on a cruise for 7 days and have no way to come home easily? Or would you stay by her side? And even having bought cancellation insurance it now appears I have lost that money because the doctor said it was a pre-existing condition. I wouldn’t have booked the trip if I knew there was a dormant infection waiting to explode inside her.

I know ex friend well enough to know that she would have cancelled without hesitation. So, why dump on me? If I wanted to repair this relationship I’d ask but she’s made it clear she’s done so I’m not putting any energy into it. But some days her message looks me in the face and taunts me. I get angry and so lonely.

Is anyone following Pog Family on YouTube? Sarah is actively dying from melanoma. It’s very sad watching someone so brave be defeated by this wretched disease.

I hope you have your troubles taken away by the wind.